Monday, September 17, 2012

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Hello, friends!  I have some questions for you on this sunny Monday...  
What did you want to be when you grew up?  And how accurate was your ambition to your current career?  Did your parents influence your path?
Last night Jeff and I had a conversation centered around the idea of steering children down specific paths and exposing them to activities to help them master skills; in the hope that those skills will serve them later in whatever career they choose.  This (of course) led to a host of introspective thought and a (WOW, sorry) suuuper long blog post...  Jeff loves to reference Malcom Gladwell's "10,000 hour rule" - which basically states that 10,000 hours devoted to one activity, will inevitably render you a master at that activity.  That's roughly 3-4 hours per day for 7 years.  What activities in your life have you spent 10,000 hours doing?  Practicing piano?  Attending dance classes?  Restoring a boat?  Taking care of children?  Driving a car?  You may recall that earlier this summer James attended an engineering camp at Cal Poly.  Having no prior experience in that field- he went in not knowing what to expect, and honestly, we weren't sure if he would grasp the concepts or enjoy the activities...  as it turned out, he LOVED it.  After just one day he declared himself a "future particles engineer" and thrilled in pointing out all the ways in which engineering helps us in everyday life.  James also loves playing the piano, and will not hesitate to call himself a musician, or an artist, or a chef.  The truth is, he is all of these things.  Children (like adults) are multi-faceted.  So do we help them to choose one of these paths to focus their energy and time on?  Do we choose for them?  Do we let it all play out and not steer or center their focus at all?  

My parents didn't push any one activity on me but they definitely helped to steer my direction by providing the opportunity and making it possible for me to focus on the things that I was passionate about.  I rode a horse for the first time when I was 2, and I logged in far more than the requisite 10,000 hours by the time I turned 10.  Though I'm prone to embellishment, that estimate is not an exaggeration.  Riding a horse feels as natural to me as brushing my teeth, or tying my shoes.  There is no anxiety, there is no apprehension... it just is.  It's a part of who I am... ingrained and permanent.  Was it hard for my parents?  Did they sacrifice and go out of their way to make that happen for me?  No.  In fact, I think it was probably the easiest option at the time.  My mother was a horse trainer and she wouldn't hesitate to throw me on a "babysitter horse", and go about her work.  My mother imparted riding on me out of necessity and convenience, there was no respite from it.  Horse-immersion... like a job, was there rain or shine, and whether I felt like doing it or not.  She couldn't have known what an impact that consistency would have on me, or what a natural approach to learning it was.  Of course there were ballet classes, a short stint on a volleyball team, and later, Tae Kwon Do (which I loved and did well in), but nothing so ever-present in my life as horses. 
James has vacillated from soccer, to baseball, to dance, to pottery, to piano, and at 12 years old, I worry that he hasn't found his thing.  And is that my fault?  Should I be shuttling across town to games for sports and activities that he's only vaguely interested in?  This may not be the popular response, but going out of my way for something that neither of us is truly passionate about seems like a waste of time.  Make no mistake, if he was passionately devoted to something, I would shuttle and scramble and move mountains to make it available to him.  I'm waiting eagerly for that moment!  But to be honest with you, I believe so strongly in the idea that immersion learning is the most beneficial of all.  It certainly seems the most natural path to knowledge.  Whether we realize it or not, and whether our children make use of it later in life, or they don't- so much specialized knowledge can be imparted through parents.  And why shouldn't they take advantage of our own 10,000 hour knowledge?  My best friend whose dad owns a concrete company was able to mould and make a concrete septic tank by the time we were 16.  Certainly not because she sought out that knowledge- but because it was right there in front of her, and impossible to not learn.  Similarly, Jeff and his sister know the ins and outs of mushroom farming, not out of some deep-seeded interest in mushrooms, but by parental default.  Because of my parents I learned the business of horses, as well as how to run a taxi and limousine service, an extensive knowledge of plants and gardening, and also how to run a retail store.   Did I become a horse trainer?  No.  And I've never had any inclination to run a taxi and limousine service.  But I know what it takes to do it, and that broadens my value in competitive employment.  In fact, in none of the above references did the children follow the direct business paths of their parents, but does that make those skills less valuable?  Of course not.  The most important lessons my parents imparted on me were about taking chances, working hard, being your own boss, and self-expectations.  These are a skillset that have affected my career path and driven me to succeed on my own terms.   

I wonder, what skills Jeff and I are imparting on our own kids?  This is a scary question, because between the two of us, we're all across the board!  Hopefully this is a good thing... they can't help but learn about art as a career, painting, writing, photography, fashion, and retail.  And I know that they'll understand the value of creativity, marketing, and perseverance.  But my great hope is that, like us (and our parents), they'll never fear the unknown in business.  They'll choose a path, research it to death, and then armed with knowledge, be brave enough to dive in.  So what's my plan for James?  At the end of our conversation last night we decided that the best possible way to support our children in mastering a skill, is to expose them to a wide berth of possibilities and encourage them in whichever areas they show a true enthusiasm.  James will continue to play piano, and be an artist, a chef, and a particles engineer.  And we will continue to provide a piano, money for art classes, engineering camps, and food to cook.  Will the end result be a career in these fields?  It doesn't matter.  The true value is in the enrichment of life and learning.  

What skills will you impart upon your own children (either consciously, or unconsciously)?    
  


P.S. 

7 comments:

  1. What a great blog post!
    I don't think I had any clear career goals when I was young - I just knew that I wanted to work somewhere that I could help people. Now, I'm in school for Nursing & it's exactly what I want to do. Last year I had this ephiphany that *every single thing* I've done in my life has brought me to this point. The general mishmash of experiences that I've had has culminated into this great life.

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    1. I love that epiphany! What a fantastic thought... I often contemplate the things I've learned just by loving and being loved by people. My parents, grandparents, friends, Jeffrey, my children... they've all taught me so many things that have made me who I am right now.

      Thanks so much for sharing that, Courtney. :)

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  2. Great blog post Coral! Sometimes finding "that thing" is just pure luck, as in my case. While my parents had me in sports, music, camps, etc., I went away to college completely aimless and chose Business as my major just because my mother suggested it as a versatile degree. After graduating I worked in so many different jobs - none of which struck my fancy at all! Fast forward to 5 years ago where at the age of 48 I bought my first sewing machine and basically taught myself to sew. And yes! ..it's my passion - I feel as if I were born to sew. And PHEW! I could have gone my whole life without discovering that if my sister hadn't suggested this crazy idea of a napkin business. In contrast, Richard discovered computers at the ripe old age of 4, built his first one with his dad in 4th grade, and in jr. high built one all on his own.... and is now a 22 year old gainfully employed in a software development company. Now while this can be specifically attributed to his dad, Ellen has found her passion in the beauty industry all on her own. So there you have it - a reply almost as long as your wonderful blog post. :-)

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    1. Thanks so much for that wonderful insight, Kay. I love your story of finding a passion at 48! How amazing that your husband was able to nurture Richard's interest in computers in such a hands-on way, and that Ellen found her passion on her own... Your family's story is such a great example of different interests, and different ways of finding what makes you happy. :)

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  3. Aaawwwwwhhh... My litlle cowpokey. What a lot of beautiful memories of you and I riding horses together hour upon hour, day after day. Oh! And some of those "babysitter horses" you remember ... There were plenty of adults who couldn't have handled those horses! You were a natural talent and truly had a feel for the nature of the animals. If I could spend a few days reliving those moments it would be a slice of heaven just watch you ride!

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  4. First of all I love this post! You guys are such good parents!!! :)

    I've always known deep down that I wanted to be a hairstylist, even if I sometimes strayed to other things. To me that sounds funny, because it's not normally a career to aspire to, I think some people don't even see it as a career path- more as just a job. I suppose if you work for minimum wage at a Super Cuts etc... then it is just a job- but I've always wanted to be more than that! I can remember being in 2nd grade and having a career day and we had to go up to the font of the class and write what we wanted to be when we grew up on a big board. I wrote "hairdresser". Then as the years went by I changed my course. I wanted to be a doctor for about a month, a lawyer (because I felt like I always won the arguments with my sister- so therefore I was a natural lawyer LOL!), an elementary school teacher, a writer (this is still secretly a dream of mine!). Then I settled on what I would consider my only two alternatives to being a hairstylist- a history teacher or a therapist. I was really serious about the history teacher path and therapist path for all of high school. I have a passion for history and it seemed like such a natural thing for me to do. My parents supported me in each and every thing I had an interest in. They bought me endless art supplies, every book I ever took a fancy to- they never said no where interests or hobbies were concerned. My parents were the ones that finally talked me into becoming a hairdresser towards the end of my Senior year in High School when I was really vacillating . They pushed me, as they knew I had a natural talent for it and it would allow me to flex my creative muscles in a different way than painting or drawing does for me.

    so at the end of the day I have my parents to thank for my career. They have always supported me in this choice and would support me if I up and said I wanted to be a history teacher tomorrow! I've now dropped the therapist idea, as I have realized that I do that on a daily basis without being paid for it. I have fulfilled that side of myself and I don't feel the need to pursue it any longer. I'm burnt out on that front! Now I've gone full circle to that little girl in 2nd grade who took every opportunity I had to cut my dolls hair and then in high school colored my own hair every color of the rainbow!

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    1. OH MY GOSH, that was wordy!!!! Sorry!!!! ;)

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